What Was She Thinking?
by Keystspf
Summary: After watching the Episode "Playing With Fire" I was hit with an idea for what was supposed to be a one-shot about what Grissom was thinking about what Sara was thinking when she asked him out for dinner. It has since outgrown its title a bit.
1. Chapter 1

I just watched the episode "Playing With Fire" tonight and the whole scene between Grissom and Sara at the end hit me with this story. It takes place about a week or so after the fact. I might add to it later, but more than likely I will forget about it and leave it as a little one shot.

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Grissom lay in bed staring at the ceiling. His mind was racing. So much had happened in the past week, and his brain just couldn't seem to catch up enough to let him sleep. One thing kept playing itself over again amidst the other chaos.

"Well, I do," Sara had said, "And by the time you figure it out, it might just be too late."

_What did she mean by that? _Grissom wondered. Sara had been acting very strange lately. She seemed distracted. She seemed to think that she was indestructible, or at least that's what both Brass and Nick had said. It just didn't make sense. Grissom replayed the whole situation over again in his head again.

"_Do you want to have dinner with me?" Sara had asked._

"_No." _

"_Come on, it'd be fun. Just see what happens."_

"_Sara, I don't know what to do about this."_

"_Well, I do. By the time you figure it out, it just might be too late."_

He puzzled over her reaction for quite some time. He really didn't know what to do about her behavior as of late. Following that line of thought, he had come to the conclusion that being too late meant that Sara would get herself seriously hurt or killed. That had him seriously worried about her.

_Would she do something else to put herself in jeopardy? Was she suicidal? __That really doesn't sound like her._

_Maybe I'm coming at it the wrong way. _He thought. _Context. That's the clue. She asked me out to dinner after I had confronted her about acting as though she was indestructible. That was a rapid shift of subject and a prime example of her strange behavior lately. I'm playing catch up as usual and my response is, "I don't know what to do about this." _

_THINK! What would Sara have been thinking about that changed the subject. We both have the day off. She rapidly changed the subject so as to not lose her nerve to ask me out? She was asking me out. Dinner had nothing to do with… She must have thought I meant that I didn't know what to do about… Oh crap. Too late could mean… she could move on, find someone else… I get it. _

In the middle of this bunch of broken and half-formed thoughts, Grissom came to a realization. _I don't know what to do about that either._


	2. Chapter 2

I was originally going to make this a one-shot, but then I came up with an idea for a second chapter from Sara's POV. There's also a possiblity that I will continue it further, so if you like it, keep reading and review?

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Sara lay in bed staring at her ceiling. As usual, her thoughts were racing. It had been a long week. The lab explosion still had her jumpy. More than that, she kept going over and over Grissom's reaction to her dinner invitation.

"I don't know what to do about this," He had said, after flat out turning her down.

_What is there to know? What does he think I want? What does HE want? _Sara began to feel a bit hopeful at this thought. _Could he want what I want?_

_Wait… maybe I'm coming at this from the wrong direction. Grissom had just confronted me about my "heroics" at the scene earlier. I changed the subject abruptly. I didn't give him a chance to switch gears. Maybe he was still thinking about me putting myself in danger? It wouldn't be the first time I'd done it. _

A realization hit Sara at that moment. _If Grissom was still a step behind, he wasn't thinking about dinner, he was thinking about me walking into a scene that hadn't been cleared yet… if that's the case how did he take my response? _

"Well, I do. By the time you figure it out, you might just be too late."

_Could Grissom be thinking that I might hurt myself, or purposefully put myself in danger? Maybe I should clear that up._

Sara gathered her nerve and picked up her phone. Grissom's number was the first on the list. She brought it up and was about to press the call button when it rang. It was Grissom.

"Sidle," Sara answered.

"Sara," Grissom's voice said on the phone, "We need to talk."

"Yeah, sure."

"Uh," Grissom started to say something, but wasn't quite sure what.

"Listen, if this is about the dinner invitation," Sara started, sounding somewhat defeated, yet a bit defensive at the same time.

"Sara, wait," Grissom interrupted, "I think you misunderstood my answer."

"Really," she answered, "I thought the 'no' was pretty clear." There was just a hint of anger in her voice at this point. She heard Grissom take a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Sara, please, let me explain," Grissom said trying to think of what exactly he wanted to say to make her understand, "Your invitation came out of left field. I'm dealing with a lot right now. I can't tell you all of the details. It was easier to just say, 'no,' and leave it at that than it would have been to explain why. When I said, 'I don't know what to do about this,' I meant that I don't know what to do about your recent behavior. Sara, it's not like you to be this distracted. It isn't like you to walk into a scene without waiting for it to be cleared. What's going on?"

"You want to know what's going on?" Sara half-laughed in disbelief, "I'll tell you what's going on. I've been trying to get up the nerve to ask you out for dinner for a long time. I finally get up the nerve to do it and every time I try to get to you, someone else has gotten there first. After following you around for a good five minutes, I gave up and was walking back to my lunch and the lab blows up."

"Yeah, you should have been sent home," Grissom said, feeling responsible.

"I was, I am, fine. It was just a cut on my hand, nothing more."

"I have got to stop taking your word on that."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sara shot back.

"I just mean that," Grissom started.

"Save it. It was a rhetorical question. I don't need an explanation. I get it."

"No, I don't think you do. Sara, you and I have been friends a long time. That isn't something I take lightly or want to risk losing. You and I have to work together, not to mention the fact that I'm your direct supervisor. If we go out, regardless of what happens, we would still have to work together. There could be repercussions that neither of us are prepared to deal with."

"So, you said, 'no' because of work?"

"Partially."

"And what's the other part?"

"The other part is more difficult to explain. I may have meant at the time I said it that I didn't know what to do about your behavior, but I have been thinking about it a lot and realized that I don't know what to do about this either."

"Well, let me save you the trouble of figuring it out," Sara said, not bothering to hide the hurt in her voice. "We're nothing but co-workers. You're the boss. I'm the peon."

"Sara, I didn't mean it like that and you know it."

"I don't know what I know," Sara said, now trying to hold back tears.

"Are you ok?" Grissom asked, finally identifying the emotion he was hearing in her voice.

"Why do you even bother asking me that, if you're not going to believe my answer? Listen, it's late, or early, or whatever it is and I'm tired. I've got to go." Sara hung up the phone before he could say anything else and set it down on her night stand. She stood up and walked out to her kitchen. She walked to her freezer and pulled out the bottle of vodka she kept stashed there. It was about half full. She had bought it over a month ago. Drinking wasn't her thing really, but occasionally she'd have a shot or two to take the edge off the day and help her sleep. This was one of those days. She didn't even bother with a glass.


	3. Chapter 3

Grissom just stared at his phone. Sara had hung up on him. If he didn't know what to do before, he was really at a loss now. He had called her thinking that maybe he could tell her the truth. Maybe he could tell her that he really wished he could go out with her. Maybe he could tell her that he had been in love with her since the day he met her in San Francisco. Maybe he could tell her about his hearing loss and the upcoming surgery. But he couldn't bring himself to say the words.

_How do you tell someone that you're afraid? _He wondered. His surgery was scheduled for tomorrow. He had been dreading it, putting it off for months, but now it was effecting his work, his life, everything. Grissom let out a long sigh and let his head fall back on his pillow. Eventually, he fell asleep.

Sara's hand brushes the side of his face. "Chalk dust, from plaster," she says with a bit of a shrug. Her touch makes his heart race all the faster. Just as he is about to bring his hand up to return the gesture, he finds himself standing in his underwear in the DNA lab. He looks around and sees everyone staring at him. Ignoring their stares, he walks quickly to the office and shuts the door. When he turns around, instead of seeing his office, he is in a hockey rink. Across the ice, sitting in the bleachers, he sees himself and Sara.

"You just don't like sports," she says.

"That's not true-- I've been a baseball fan my whole life."

"Baseball. Well, that figures. All those stats."

"It's a beautiful game."

"Since when are you interested in beauty?"

"Since I met you."

Suddenly, Grissom finds himself standing in a dark ally. A short distance ahead of him, he sees Sara. He begins walking toward her and out of nowhere hears music playing, the lyrics saying, "I am drawn/I am drawn to her/Like a moth to flame/She leads me down/Unbound". No sooner does he get to her, he finds himself standing in the back of a courtroom watching Sara on the witness stand being questioned by his old friend Peter. He is about to walk up to him and stop him, not wanting to hear Sara's answer to the question that Peter is about to ask, when his phone rings. He takes it out of his pocket and opens it.

"Grissom," he answers, but the phone is still ringing.

Grissom opened his eyes and realized he had been dreaming. The phone on his nightstand was ringing, but not with an incoming call. It was the alarm he had set. Reaching over, he picked it up and turned it off. Rubbing his eyes, he stood up and went into the bathroom. Catching his reflection in the mirror, he stopped.

"What are you doing?" he asked himself, remembering his dream. _Nothing but leading her on. How stupid am I? _He shook his head, and turned on the cold water, and splashed some on his face. He went through his usual routine and left the bathroom to get dressed. After his shift tonight, he was scheduled for surgery. He was not looking forward to it. _Maybe I'll tell her the truth. _


	4. Chapter 4

To all my readers: I am shocked and amazed that you all are enjoying my story so much. The response has been more than I can keep up with writing back individual thank yous. I will try not to disappoint you.

Also, I forgot to add this in my first few chapters, so here it is now: I don't own CSI. I don't get paid to write, yet. All of the characters you recognize belong to the people who created them. Any and all mistakes of grammar, spelling, etc. are mine. I don't have a beta, but I do have several college English and Creative Writing classes under my belt… which takes away any and all excuses for those mistakes. LOL

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Sara woke up with a pounding headache. Not surprising, since she drank quite a bit more than usual. She dragged herself out of bed and to the bathroom. After a hot shower, she was only feeling a little better. She got dressed and headed for the kitchen, stopping to pick up the mostly empty vodka bottle and return it to the freezer. She took some Tylenol and drank a glass of water, hoping to ward off any worse effects of being hung over. Looking through her fridge and then through her cabinets, Sara decided to stop on her way to work and get a bagel instead.

_I guess I should just give it up. _She thought as she drove to the lab. Sara let out a sigh of resigned frustration as she turned off the car and headed inside. She was not looking forward to this day at all. She trudged in the door, tossed her stuff in her locker and headed for the break room to see what her next assignment was going to be. The shift went by without much incident. She managed to successfully avoid all but the most necessary contact with Grissom.

Grissom, on the other hand, was actually trying to find a moment to catch her. When he realized that she was avoiding him, he just gave up. By the end of the shift, he was just trying to steel himself for the upcoming surgery. Catherine stopped him on his way out to ask for help with the case involving Sam Braun, but he had to turn her down. Being unable to lie to her, he told her about the surgery. He wasn't the least bit surprised when she showed up at the hospital later that day. As he drifted off into the anesthetic induced sleep, he realized that he had walked out of the room with the back of his gown wide open. _Oh, damn. _He thought, _Well, I hope she enjoyed the show. _

The next few weeks went by with Grissom and Sara barely speaking to each other. Finally, Grissom couldn't take it any more.

"Sara, we really need to talk," Grissom said to her as she walked out to her car.

"What about?" She said, with a hint of both frustration and hope in her voice.

Grissom was at a loss for words for a moment, not sure exactly how to answer that. He was nervous. She had already shot him down once, saying, "Don't bother," when he had started to ask her out for dinner the other night. "I have some things I need to tell you. Can we go get something to eat and talk?"

"Are you sure? I mean, I wouldn't want to put us into any kind of situation that might have repercussions we're not prepared to deal with." Sara's answer was rather sarcastic and it stung him a bit to hear it.

"Please, can we just talk? I need to tell you why I said, 'no' the day of the lab explosion. You hung up before I had the chance to tell you. It's more than just work."

"Alright," Sara said, shaking her head, trying to understand why she'd just agreed.

"Do you want to take your car or mine?" Grissom asked, and then quickly added, "Or do you want to meet me there?"

"Since we're already standing here, we can take my car," she answered. "Where are we going?"

"There's a little place not far from here. I'll give you directions as we go."

About ten minutes later Sara pulled her car into a parking space in front of a little restaurant called "Veggie Delight." Sara smiled when she saw the sign. The two of them went inside and found a booth that was rather out of the way. The waitress took their drink orders and left them menus.

"You remembered," She said, smiling.

"How could I forget?" He asked, seriously, "You almost left the lab because of meat." That broke the tension, neither one could help laughing about the plant that he had sent her to try and convince her to stay. "You know," He said quietly, "I've meant everything I've said to you."

This prompted a puzzled look from Sara, who was unsure how to take that.

"The lab does need you, and not just because you're a good CSI." Grissom paused and took a deep breath. "The lab needs you because I need you. Sometimes, seeing you is half the reason I bother to drag myself there."

"Only half?" Sara said, smiling and realizing how tough this was for him. She was not planning on making it any easier.

"Well," he said, returning her smile, "The other half is the bugs. They need to be fed you know?" This made them both laugh.

Their conversation was interrupted by the waitress with their drinks, "Are you ready to order?" she asked. They both ordered and the waitress left.

"So, why did you say no when I asked you out for dinner?" Sara asked, swirling the ice around in her glass of water and genuinely ready to hear the answer.

"There are a lot of reasons. The first one actually has nothing to do with you at all. I was in the process of scheduling surgery for my hearing loss. I have a genetic disorder that causes bone deposits to grow in my ears and if I didn't do something about it soon, I was going to lose my hearing permanently. I had put it off far too long. "

When Sara remained quiet, Grissom took yet another deep breath and continued.

"The second reason was the fact that you caught me completely off guard. We were talking about something else and you tossed out a dinner invitation right in the middle of it. It was unexpected and out of context. I wasn't prepared to go out for dinner that night, nor was I prepared to make plans either. It was just bad timing. I realize now that my abrupt answer must have hurt your feelings. That was not my intention."

"Was that supposed to be an apology?" Sara laughed.

"Yes. It was. Sara, the last thing in the world that I would ever want to do is hurt you."

The waitress once again interrupted by bringing their food. After taking a few bites of her salad, Sara finally found her voice again. "I guess I should apologize too."

Grissom just raised his eyebrows in response. He had just taken a big bite of his own salad.

"I shouldn't have hung up on you the other night."

Grissom swallowed his bite of salad and smiled, "So, we're friends again?"

"Yeah, friends." Sara agreed, though slightly disappointed, she hid it behind a big smile.

The two of them continued in pleasant conversation for the rest of the meal. Grissom insisted on paying the check. By the time they got back to the lab to retrieve Grissom's car, both of them were laughing. It was like they were back in San Francisco hanging out drinking coffee with the rest of the "science nerds" who stayed after Grissom's lectures. Only this time, it was just the two of them.

Sara pulled her car into the space next to Grissom's. "This was fun," she said, looking over at him as she turned the car off.

"Yes, it was," he said, looking back at her. Their eyes met, and it seemed like something was pushing, or pulling them together, but at the moment just before that point of no return, something stopped them both.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for the long, cliff-hanging chapter… I couldn't resist. If all of this was actually in the show, we'd be coming up on the episode, "Invisible Evidence." **

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They stayed there, staring at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Neither one was willing to move either direction. It was like all the potential consequences of either action were running through both of their minds. They both wanted to move forward, there was no mistaking that look in each other's eyes, but just at the moment where they were both about to give in to it, headlights shone through Sara's windshield. They jumped suddenly apart, the moment lost.

"I guess I should go," Grissom said quietly.

"Yeah," Sara agreed reluctantly.

Grissom unbuckled his seatbelt and reached for the door handle, opening the door part way. Turning back to Sara he was about to say something when Jim Brass walked up to the car. It had been his headlights that interrupted them.

"Hey," Jim said, "Were you two just doing what I think you might have been doing?"

"That depends on what you think we were doing," Grissom said, with a hint of an annoyed smile. _Here it comes. _He thought.

"Far be it from me to interrupt," Jim said, with a shrug and a smirk.

Sara glared at him from the driver's seat as he walked into the building. When she looked back over at Grissom, he was still sitting there with the door half open.

"So, where do we go from here?" she asked.

"Home?" Grissom suggested, appearing to have taken her literally.

"That's not what I meant," Sara said, "I mean, us. Where do we go from here?" This time, she put the emphasis on "we."

"I don't have the words to answer that," Grissom said, meeting her eyes again. He let go of the door handle and turned toward her. He gently reached across the space between them and touched her hair, letting his fingers slide down the side of her face. He wanted more than anything to pull her close to him, but he just couldn't do it. There were almost tears in his eyes as he let his hand fall to his lap. "I'm sorry," he said, and got out of the car. He closed the door gently and walked over to his own car.

_What the hell am I doing? _He thought to himself as he started the engine. _She is going to hate me. Should I go back? Damn Jim. If he hadn't interrupted… I would have kissed her. _This realization almost made him panic. _If I had kissed her… no. I'm glad Jim interrupted. I can't have her. There's too much at stake. I'm too old for her. I'm her supervisor. There are so many reasons why it would be a mistake… and only one reason why it wouldn't. I love her._

Grissom looked longingly at Sara through the windows of their cars, and then turned his attention to the rear view mirror as he backed out of the parking space and turned the car toward the exit of the parking lot.

Sara just sat there. _What the hell was that? Why did he just leave? Damn Jim. Why'd he have to interrupt? _Sara started her car, and put it in drive. She was half considering pulling forward and smashing into Jim's car, but then thought better of it and put the car in reverse. _What if Jim hadn't pulled up just then? I'm sure I saw it. He was going to kiss me. Or I was going to kiss him. _

She just about to turn the car to leave the parking lot when she remembered.

_Damn it. My application for the key position is sitting there on his desk. Should I take it back? Is he thinking that I'm only after the promotion? Is that why he backed off? No, he hasn't seen the application yet. I could still take it back. But I really want it. NoI'm not going to let this get in the way of my career either. If that's the way he wants to play it. Fine. _

Sara turned on the radio, trying to tune out her thoughts. It didn't work. _Why is this even bothering me so much? What exactly do I see in him? What is he to me? What am I to him? Why did he call me out here to Vegas? Why did I come?_

These questions, among others raced around inside her head the whole way home. She had to acknowledge that she wanted Grissom's approval. He made her feel good about herself, saying silly things like, "You really know how to light up a room." or "Since I met you." On an academic level, she found him fascinating. He went out of his way for her, even if it was mostly just doing his job. Sara pulled up to her apartment and realized that amidst all the jumbled up memories and thoughts of Grissom, there was one constant. _I love him, because somehow he seems to make me believe that he loves me. But does he really or am I just imagining it?_

Sara turned her car off, got out, locked it and headed upstairs to her apartment. She suddenly felt very tired. "What the hell?" she shrugged, as she took the bottle out of the freezer. She polished off the last shot or two and headed off for bed.


	6. Chapter 6

I'm using a bit of cannon here, but forgive me, most of it is not exact quotes. I don't own the DVD's and I've gotten tired of searching out actual quotes, so they're paraphrased as closely as I remember them. If they're off a bit, consider it creative license. :-)

A note about me: I don't curse. Like EVER, but it just doesn't sound right to have them thinking, "darn." People don't think "darn." Even if they don't say it, they're usually thinking "damn." LOL

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Grissom drove home and sat out in his car, just thinking. He wanted so much to tell, to show Sara how he really felt about her. He was certain that she felt the same way, but why? _What could she possibly see in me? Could she be using me? No, that doesn't seem like her. _

Grissom sighed as he got out of his car and walked inside. There was no denying that he loved her. There wasn't a whole lot he could do to hide it either, Catherine had definitely caught on to him. She was the one who gave him the idea for the plant. Jim wasn't far behind in figuring it out.

"What am I going to do?" he asked himself as he got ready for bed. He slept fitfully, and woke up feeling no better than he had before. There was no easy answer. He dragged himself out of bed and got ready for work. He had to be at court by 3pm.

When he got there, everything was in an uproar. Evidence from a case involving a rape and murder had been thrown out of court, Warrick Brown catching the majority of the heat. They were given 24 hours to find new evidence that that connected the defendant to the victim. The decision was made to put every other case on the back burner.

"Sara, you and Nick check out the car," Grissom said, "Catherine, you go back and recheck the scene. See if there is anything there that possibly got missed."

"What about my case?" Sara asked.

"Don't worry about it," Grissom said, "I'll talk to your detective."

"It isn't about the detective. It's about my personal responsibility."

"Listen, this case is a priority. I'm handing out the assignments here, it's not a negotiation."

The crew left the room to go to their assignments. Catherine came up behind Grissom and said, "Nice one. I like how you handled that."

"You don't think I was too tough on her?" Grissom asked.

"Not tough enough." Catherine said, and walked off.

Grissom sighed. He knew Catherine was teasing him. He hated when she did that.

Sara and Nick headed out to get the car that they were ordered to process. Sara complained to Nick about having to drop her case, angry that another was taking precedence over it.

"I don't care if you're in the middle of the hottest case of your life. If the boss calls you off to wash his car, you drop what you're doing and go." Nick said, in answer to her complaint. When Sara looked at him in disbelief, he continued, "You can't have a career without a job."

They had the totaled car towed back to the lab and processed it. Inside they found white fibers with blood on them, matching the towel and the blood that they had found with the knife. They also found a parking placard for the same apartment complex as the victim. These were admissible in court, but not enough to tie the suspect to the murder. Everyone was getting frustrated. Tensions were extremely high. All of the evidence was pointing them away from the suspect that was on trial. Given that, the knife was brought back into the picture. On further examination, Warrick found wax on the handle.

Having finished the car, Sara went off in search of something else to do. Seeing the bloody sheet hanging in one of the layout rooms, she decided to have a look. As she was studying the pattern of blood on the sheet, Grissom walked in.

"Checking my work?" He asked.

"Oh, just looking around," she answered, thoughtfully.

Grissom just stood there watching the wheels turn in her head, after a moment he looked at her, "What are you thinking?"

"Well," Sara said, taking a step toward the sheet, "Her body left behind this void." She indicated the area of white on the sheet. "The attacker was on top. He held her down by her wrists." Sara turned around and faced Grissom.

"Which would explain the transfer of wax from him to her, " Grissom said, finishing Sara's thought.

"Yes," she says, nodding. The two were on the same page. Sara looked thoughtful for a moment. "Pin me down." _Oh my God, what did I just say?_

Grissom took a somewhat nervous step forward and took hold of Sara's wrists, pushing against her. Sara pushed back as if struggling to get away, "She would have struggled. Then, she gave up." Sara looked at Grissom, staring strait into his eyes. Breaking the momentary spell, she said, "Afterward, when he got up, he put his hands on the sheet for leverage." _Hey, genius, that was a clue. _She thought, waiting for him to continue acting out the scenario.

"Like this," He said, moving his hands down near her waist. Sara nodded, barely able to breathe. They were standing so close, yet…"Which explains how the wax got from him to the sheets."

"Yeah," she said, looking up at Grissom. The two just stood there with the same tension that had held them the day before. Unable to take it any more, Sara put her hands down and stepped away. "Grissom, I… uh, I wanted to talk to you about something."

Grissom turned around to face her again and said, "Go ahead." _Is she going to ask me out again? Is she going to tell me that what happened yesterday was a mistake? Is she going to…_

His thoughts were interrupted by the answer, "Well, you know I applied for the promotion for the key position."

_This isn't where I thought this was going. _"Your application's on my desk."

_I knew I should have picked that damn thing up. _"I, uh, needed to know," She stammered. _Damn this hard. _"I wanted to make sure, rather, that anything that happened, or didn't happen between us won't be a factor." _There, I said it._

_How could it ever be? _Grissom thought. _I'd give it to you in a heart beat, if I thought it was the right thing to do. You've earned it, but…_

Once again, his thoughts were interrupted, "Never mind. I shouldn't have said anything." _Now I've really screwed things up. Not only will I not get the promotion, he'll probably never talk to me again._

_Wait. Stop. Hold on. _Grissom couldn't make himself say the words and so just stood there in stunned silence as Sara said, "I, uh… I'm always over-talking around you," and practically ran out of the room.

All he could do was stand there and watch her go. He wanted to run after her, but he just stood there. _Now what?_ He wondered.


	7. Chapter 7

**I must apologize for the length of this chapter. I couldn't find a good place to break it. "Butterflied" was an episode just begging to have the thoughts behind the actions shared. If you haven't seen the episode, pieces of this might not make sense. I'm assuming that anyone reading this knows its significance.**

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"You do not!" Jill shouted, laughing and nearly knocking over her coffee.

"You want to bet?" Sara challenged.

"Like you'd actually show us," Kevin said smugly.

"I really don't think this is the place for that, " Grissom piped up, even though he was intrigued. The group was sitting in the café at the university discussing Grissom's latest lecture and somehow it had gone off on the tangent of who had what tattoos. So far, Kevin had shown them one on his bicep, nothing unusual about that. Jill had one on her right ankle. James didn't have any. Grissom didn't have any. Sara had a sun burst on her foot, and a blue butterfly, the location of which was being challenged.

"It's ok, it's not like it's that far down," Sara said, turning around, "See." She lifted the back of her shirt, and peeking out just above the top of her jeans were the tips of the wings of a blue butterfly.

Everyone else faded into the background as Sara turned back to Grissom. "Wanna see the rest?" She asked, rather seductively. Before he could answer, Grissom's phone started ringing. He pressed the ignore button, but it didn't stop ringing. Suddenly, Grissom's eyes popped open and he realized that he had been dreaming. His phone really was ringing.

"Grissom," he said, answering it. He listened to the voice on the other end, and then said, "Alright, I'm on my way." Dragging himself out of bed, he sighed. _No rest for the weary and I was having a good dream too._

Grissom got himself ready and headed out to the scene. Parking his car on the opposite side of the street, he got out and walked up to the officer who had called him in. After acknowledging him, Grissom went inside. He carefully surveyed the entrance area and living room, noting the vacuum tracks and footprints. He also noticed a prevalence of butterflies. _How weird is that?_ He thought, remembering his dream.

He carefully made his way up the stairs, pausing to look into the bedrooms. Now he was really aware of the presence of butterflies. The body was in the bathroom, near the shower. The young woman was on her knees with her feet tucked under her bottom. Her hands were down by her feet. She was wearing a pink shirt that was riding up a bit, revealing just a hint of a butterfly tattoo on the small of her back. Grissom fought back a wave of dizziness and déjà vu as he realized it was not the right color. The feeling returned though, as he took a closer look at the young woman's face. _Oh. My. God. She could be her twin. _

Sara was tired as she drove to the scene. Grissom and the others were already there. The lights of the police cars lighting up the night had drawn out concerned neighbors.

Grissom walked out of the house and looked around. His eyes caught Sara and he couldn't help but stare at her._ My God, she's beautiful. _He thought. As if feeling his eyes on her, she turned and looked back at him.

_Is he ok? _She wondered.

Brass sees Grissom staring at Sara and asked him, "You ready for us?"

Momentarily shaken out of his thoughts, and suddenly aware that everyone was looking at him, Grissom answered, "For now, no one enters this house except CSI."

Brass nodded in acknowledgement, as Grissom once again shifted his gaze back to Sara. _I have got to keep her out of the house. She can't see that girl. There's no way I'm going to let her. _Grissom walked over to the group to hand out assignments. He sent Sara to search the perimeter, Warrick to search the car, and he and Catherine would take the inside of the house.

_What is his problem?_ Sara wondered. _I have been busting my ass trying to get this promotion, and I'm stuck on a perimeter search? _She didn't find anything except a little bit of white powdery trace on the blacktop, so she went to see if Warrick needed help with the car.

Meanwhile, Grissom and Catherine were upstairs in the bathroom. The smell of cleansers and the fact that there was no visible blood anywhere, but on the floor around Debbie Marlin's head, lead them to the drains.

_I can't believe this, _Sara thought, _I'm not allowed in the house, but I can be sent under it? This sucks._ She unscrewed the pipes and collected the red-stained water that leaked out. _I hope he appreciates this._

A little while later, back at the lab, Catherine asked Sara to compare some toe prints with those of the victim. Sara just shrugged and took the ten card from Catherine and headed off to the morgue. She located the body of Debbie Marlin and began to take her prints. Curious, she looked up at the young woman's face. She is forced to do a double-take. _No wonder he kept me out. It's like looking in a mirror. Holy crap this is weird._

After several more hours of investigation, they finally narrowed down a suspect. Dr. Vincent Lurie was brought in for questioning. There wasn't much to go on. Brass was hoping they could somehow coax a confession out of him. Things did not go as planned, not by a long shot.

"I couldn't do it…" Sara heard Grissom say from behind the glass that separated her from the interrogation room. _So, that was it. That's what stopped him. Or is this just a tactic to try to get Lurie to talk? _Sara had not had another opportunity to talk to Grissom about what had happened or hadn't happened between them. Now she was really very curious about how he really felt.

Sara turned her attention back to the interrogation, it did not end well. There was nothing that could hold Lurie there. They had to let him go. Brass said something to Grissom, after Lurie and his lawyer left, but she didn't quite catch it. Grissom shook his head and Brass left the room.

Sara took a deep breath. _It's now or never, _she thought, once again gathering her nerve to go talk to Grissom. She walked quietly around to the door of the interrogation room. She didn't even have a chance to tap on the door when he looked up, as if he had been expecting her.

"Hey," she said, quietly.

"How long were you behind the glass?" he asked.

"How did you know I was there?" she asked.

"I realized, too late, that Catherine had sent you to get the toe prints. I knew that after you saw the body, you'd want to know what happened."

"I'm that predictable?" Sara asked, sitting down across from him.

"No, not really. I just know you."

They sat in silence, lost in their own thoughts. After a few moments, Sara finally spoke up, "Did you really mean what you said to Lurie?"

"What do you mean?" Grissom asked.

"Well, I heard everything you said, and I was wondering if you were talking about you and me, or if you were just making up some hypothetical situation to try to coax a confession out of him."

Grissom took a deep breath and answered honestly, "A little of both."

"If you don't mind my asking, which part was which?"

"I really don't think this is the place to discuss this," Grissom said, looking around and indicating where they were. Sara too, looked around and realized that he was right. There was no reasonable expectation of privacy here.

"Shift's over, want to go get something to eat?"

"No," Grissom said, "I just want to go home." Sara could not hide her disappointment when Grissom looked up at her. "You're welcome to come with me though." _What the? Did I just say? Oh, God. _A look of sheer panic crossed his face as he realized what he had just said.

_Did he just say what I thought he said?_ "Griss, are you sure?" Sara asked, not wanting to take advantage of a mistake made because he was clearly exhausted.

Regaining some measure of composure Grissom answered, "Yeah. I'm sure. We need to talk." _But first, I really need a shower._

"Alright, I'll follow you there," Sara said, standing up. Grissom followed suit and the two left the room. Sara gathered her things from her locker while Grissom went back to his office to drop off the paperwork from the shift. Sara met Grissom outside. She pulled her car around behind his and followed him back to his townhouse.


	8. Chapter 8

_I can't believe I'm doing this. _Sara thought as she got out of her car and followed Grissom inside. _We're just talking. _She reminded herself.

Sara looked around when she got inside and saw the framed butterflies on the wall. "You still have that?" she commented, smiling.

"Yeah," Grissom laughed. Sara had given it to him on the last day of lectures back in San Francisco. "I remember you saying they were the only kind of bugs you actually liked looking at." Grissom couldn't help but chuckle a bit as he remembered his dream.

"What's so funny?" Sara asked, still smiling.

"Can I tell you in about ten minutes?" Grissom asked. Seeing Sara's puzzled look, he continued, "I've been at work for nearly 24 hours. I really just want to wash this day off. I know it's a bit weird, but would you mind if I took a quick shower?"

"Uh, sure, no problem," Sara said.

"Feel free to make yourself at home. There's some juice in the fridge," he said, heading off down the hall to his bedroom. _Well, could this get any more awkward? Oh well, I just couldn't make myself sit down on my couch, I smell like garbage._

Sara went into the kitchen to see if there was anything to eat. Looking through the fridge, she found the juice, and not much else. Apparently it had been a while since Grissom had gotten to the store. Shrugging it off, she got herself a glass out of the cabinet and poured herself some juice. Looking around a bit, she found a menu for a Chinese restaurant. _Why not?_ She thought, picking up the phone and ordering veggie lo mein for herself and some chicken and broccoli for Grissom. She remembered that he'd ordered that once or twice before.

Grissom came out to the kitchen just as she hung up the phone. "I ordered us some Chinese food," she said, watching him.

"Sounds good. I know there's nothing here to eat," he said, looking at her.

"So, are you going to tell me what was so funny?"

"You don't give up do you?" He laughed, "Alright, before I got called in to work last night I had this dream about the night at the café when you showed everyone your butterfly tattoo."

"Really?," she said, remembering. "I hope it didn't end the same way the night did."

They both started laughing at that. After Sara had showed everyone her tattoo, James, who had said he didn't have one, decided to show everyone his. That had not been pretty.

"No, it ended with the phone ringing," Grissom answered, leaving out the part where Sara had asked if he wanted to see the rest of it. He remembered seeing Debbie Marlin's tattoo and his mood slowly darkened.

Sara watched his face and sensed that something was bothering him, "What is it?" she asked.

Grissom looked down, away from her and started walking toward the living room. Sara followed, not willing to let him walk away from her. Grissom sat down on the couch and motioned for her to do the same. She sat down with a reasonable distance between them. "Debbie Marlin had an almost identical tattoo, in the same place."

"Well, it isn't the most unique design," Sara said, trying to will herself not to feel freaked out about it, "Lots of women like butterflies."

"True," Grissom said, "So, why do you have one?"

"I guess at the time, I thought I was being unique," Sara smiled and shrugged, "Or maybe I was trying to fit in?"

"Either way, it's still beautiful," Grissom said, half yawning.

Sara looked at him, puzzled. "You think so?"

Grissom realized what he'd just said and that he'd never even seen the whole thing. Catching himself, he tried to back out of answering. "I'm sorry,"he said, stammering, "I, uh, yeah…"

"Are you ok?" Sara asked, concerned. It wasn't like Grissom to lose his composure like this.

"No, I don't think I am," he answered, "This case really got to me."

"Me too. Nothing like seeing a mirror image of yourself in the morgue."

"Sara," Grissom started, and was interrupted by a knock at the door. It made both of them jump. Then they remembered it was just the Chinese food delivery. Sara pulled a twenty out of her pocket, saying, "This one's on me," and opened the door. She took the food from the delivery guy and told him to keep the change.

They took the food to the table and opened the cartons. Grissom smiled when he saw that Sara had remembered his favorite. They didn't bother with plates and both were fairly adept with chopsticks, so they just ate right out of the cartons.

"Sara," Grissom said, after a while. "Can I be completely honest with you?"

"Sure," she answered, not bothering to hide her confusion at the question.

"I can't promise this will sound right, in fact, I'd could probably promise that it won't, but I have loved you since the day I met you."

Sara nearly choked on the bite of broccoli that she had just put in her mouth.

"The problem is, that I don't really know you," Grissom finished.

Swallowing the bite she'd nearly choked on, Sara just looked at him even more confused.

"What I mean is," Grissom struggled for the right words, "You have been my student. We have been co-workers. We have been friends, in those capacities, but not really outside of that."

Sara wasn't sure how to take that. She sat there without saying a word for several minutes. Finally she said, "So, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying, that for reasons that are now irrelevant, I have kept you at arm's length and I want to change that. But I don't want to rush into something based on wishful thinking and childish infatuation."

Sara thought about this for a minute and then asked, "Is this your way of saying that you want to make sure that I just don't have a crush on my teacher? I mean, I don't think I would have stuck around for four years if that was the case."

"Not exactly," Grissom answered, "Though that does play into it a little. To be honest, I want just as much to make sure that this isn't just a crush on an incredibly beautiful student, who happens to have caught my attention with her intelligence to match."

Sara blushed at that and said, "Flattery will get you nowhere," and then laughed. "I think I get what you mean. I should be the first to admit that I've been hurt enough times by rushing into things."

"So, can we start really being friends?" Grissom asked, feeling about five years old.

"I think that would be a great idea," she answered.

**CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI**

**Ok, feel free to hate me for this one, but there is a reason for it. You'll just have to trust me. **


	9. Chapter 9

**This chapter takes place between "Paper or Plastic" and "Early Rollout" There are no spoilers, but there are allusions to both episodes. **

**CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI**

Sara was tired. Two days ago they had been called to a grocery store robbery where two criminals, two civilians, and one police officer had been shot and killed. It had taken them the better part of the past two days to get it all sorted out. All she wanted to do was chill out and forget the world for a little while. On her way home, she stopped at the store and picked up a six pack of beer.

She had just gotten in her car when her phone rang. She looked at the id on the screen, surprised to see that it was Grissom calling her.

"Sidle," she answered.

"Sara, good, I didn't wake you up."

"Nah, I haven't even gotten home yet. What's up?"

"I was just wondering if you would like to have breakfast with me."

"Sure, why not?" she answered, "Where do you want to meet?"

"Uh, well… actually," Grissom started, "I'm already at your apartment."

_What? _She thought. "Ok, I guess I'm not going to ask why." Sara said, a little puzzled, but smiling, "I'll see you in a few then."

Sara hung up her phone and wondered what in the world was going on. She wasn't far from home, so it didn't take her long to get there. She parked her car, grabbed the six-pack and headed up the steps. Sure enough, there was Grissom waiting outside her front door. He was holding a bag of groceries.

Sara opened the door and led him inside, motioning for him to put the bag down on the kitchen counter while she put the beer in the fridge.

"So, what's in the bag?" she asked.

"Eggs and assorted veggies for the best omelet you'll ever taste."

"Sounds great," Sara said. The two worked together and made breakfast. "Hey, I don't have any orange juice, want a beer?" she offered.

"Beer and eggs?" Grissom shrugged, "Why not?"

The two sat down and ate breakfast. After they cleaned up, they went out to the living room and sat on the couch.

"You ever watch the poker tournaments?" Sara asked, picking up the TV remote.

"That's actually one of the few things I watch," Grissom answered, "I find it fascinating. It's a good way to learn to call bluffs, without losing any money."

"Yeah, helps on those tough interrogations with good liars," Sara said, with half a laugh.

They sat there side by side watching the tournament. Sara finished her second beer and was feeling rather drowsy. Grissom looked over at her and saw that she had closed her eyes. He wasn't sure if she was asleep or not, so he just left her be. He settled himself back and put his arm across the back of the couch.

It wasn't long before both of them had fallen sound asleep. Gravity eventually took over, and Sara was soon leaning against Grissom's chest.

Grissom woke with a start. His leg was buzzing. It took him a moment to realize that it was his cell phone. He had set it on vibrate. He realized that Sara was leaning on him and still asleep, so he gently pushed her off so he could stand up and get to his phone. He carefully settled her back on the couch.

"Grissom," he said quietly. It was the lab. Double homicide. Days swamped. All hands on deck. _Nothing out of the ordinary. _"Alright, I'll be there. Have you called Sara and Nick yet?" They hadn't been called yet, so Grissom said that he would take care of it. He walked back over to Sara and watched her sleep. He was reluctant to wake her.

"Sara," he said quietly, stooping down to speak closely to her, "Sara, honey, wake up." He touched her shoulder and was almost decked in the face as Sara sat up suddenly and took a swing at him. He moved just in time, but he could see that she was frightened.

"Sara? Wake up, it's me," he said gently, touching her hair and brushing it out of her face.

Sara opened her eyes and looked at him. It took her a few moments to realize where she was and who was talking to her. She was shaking.

"Sara, are you ok?" Grissom asked.

"Yeah," she answered uncertainly. "Yes, I'm fine," she answered more confidently after a couple of seconds. She tried to stand up. Going so quickly from sitting to standing after just waking up, she lost her balance and sat right back down. Concerned, Grissom sat down next to her.

"I'm ok, really. I just stood up too fast."

"Were you having another nightmare?" he asked, remembering when she had told him about having nightmares about Kaye Sheldon.

"No," she answered, "I don't think so."

"Well something made you take a swing at me when I tried to wake you up."

"Sorry," she answered, "I guess I should have told you."

"Told me what?"

"The best way to wake me up without getting decked is to call my cell phone?" she offered, "but, I wasn't really expecting to fall asleep."

"Speaking of cell phones," Grissom said, as his buzzed again. He gestured for her to hold that thought while he answered, "Grissom."

"You plan on showing up any time soon?" said Brass on the phone.

"I'm sorry," Grissom answered, "Something came up. I already called Sara. Call Nick for me?"

"Alright, just get here already." They hung up.

"What's going on?" Sara asked.

Grissom explained the situation and the two of them headed out. Grissom dropped Sara off at the lab to wait for Nick. As she was getting out of the car, he handed her half of a pack of cough drops, keeping the other half for himself.

"What are these for?" she asked.

"Uh, well we had beer with breakfast and left rather quickly."

"Right," she smiled, "Thanks."


	10. Chapter 10

Sara, Grissom, Greg and Nick had just finished up with a six victim roller-coaster crash. It had turned out that the sixth victim wasn't actually a victim of the crash, but had been killed prior to the accident and stuffed into the trunk of his own car. When the roller-coaster derailed, it landed on the car and propelled the body out of the trunk and onto the ground several feet away. It wasn't the most difficult case they had ever seen, but hauling all the pieces of evidence in order to recreate the scene had not been easy. As usual, they were all tired.

Sara chucked her stuff into her locker and headed out of the locker room. Seeing Grissom in his office, she decided to stop for a minute.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," he answered, looking up at her from his paperwork.

"Never ends, huh?" she said, looking at the pile of papers on his desk.

"Nope."

"So, were all the double entendre's intended?"

Grissom raised his eyebrows and looked at her. After a moment, something of a smirk pulled at the edges of his mouth, "They couldn't be helped," he said, trying to hold back the bit of a laugh that was attempting to escape.

"Uh, huh," she said, with a smirk of her own. "You know, Nick missed them entirely." Sara sat down on the chair on the other side of Grissom's desk.

"Greg didn't," Grissom pointed out then did his best impression of Greg, "Nuts don't just pop off by themselves."

At that, both of them could not help but laugh out loud. _It feels good to laugh. _They both thought. The past few cases had been tough. All cases were usually difficult, but the past few had just been one right after the other without much breathing room between them. They hadn't had half a minute to even talk.

"So, I've got like half a dozen eggs in the fridge just begging to be turned into omelets," Sara said, "You interested?"

"As much as I'd love to, I have got to get this paperwork done," Grissom said, regretfully.

"Anything I can do to help?" she asked.

"Actually, some coffee would be great." Grissom suggested. He found himself really wanting company.

"Sure," Sara said and headed off to the break room. She passed Catherine on her way.

"Hey Sara," Catherine said, "I thought you left."

"Not yet," Sara called back over her shoulder as she kept walking.

Catherine continued on to Grissom's office. He had his head down, buried in paperwork. Without saying anything, she sat down across from him where Sara had just been sitting.

"You're back quick," he said, still not looking up.

"Back?" Catherine said, "I just got here."

Grissom looked up when he heard Catherine's voice.

"Expecting someone else?" she asked.

"Actually, yes," Grissom answered, "Sara was going to get some coffee."

"Oh, I see," said Catherine, with a knowing tone.

"You see what?" Grissom asked, plainly puzzled.

"Nothing," she laughed, "Nothing at all." After a moment of awkward silence, Catherine asked, "So, have you told her yet?"

"Told her what?" Grissom asked.

"That you nominated Nick for the key position."

"How did you know that?"

"The walls have ears you know."

"Hey," Sara said, walking into the room with two cups of coffee, "Sorry Cath, I didn't know you'd be here or I'd have brought you some too."

"It's ok, Sara, I was just leaving anyway," Catherine said, standing up. Turning to Grissom with a big, rather goofy smile, she said, "Don't you keep her out too late, Gil."

Grissom and Sara just looked at each other and then back at Catherine as if to say, "What the hell?" Catherine just laughed and walked out the door.

"What was that all about?" Sara asked.

"I honestly have no idea," Grissom answered.

CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI

Two days later, Sara found Nick in the locker room staring at a piece of paper.

"Hey," she said.

Looking up at her, Nick said, "Hey," and went right back to staring at his letter. After a moment, he put it down. Sara looked at him.

"Everything ok?" She asked.

"This is about the key position. Grissom recommended me," he said, a little puzzled.

Sara forced herself to smile and say, "Congratulations."

Nick put the letter back into the envelope and stood up, "It's not necessary. Position was cut. Budget had room for the new promotion or a new qiagen, bio robot ez-1. Greg will be thrilled."

"Yeah." Sara said, clearly not paying much attention.

Nick looked back at Sara and said, "Oh well. It's an honor to be nominated, right?" and left the room.

_I can't believe he recommended Nick. _Sara thought, practically slamming her locker shut. _I thought he said he didn't have a problem with me. What gives?_

Later on that day, Sara helped Grissom measure the wheel base of Sam Braun's limo. It was possible that it had been at their latest crime scene.

"Nick said the budget for the promotion was cut," she said, her voice not betraying any emotion.

"240 inches-- 20 feet," Grissom said, marking the measurement down on a clipboard.

"He also said you recommended him," she said, this time with a hint of annoyance as she let the tape measure go. It slid across the floor and snapped back in front of Grissom.

Looking up at her, he said, "I did."

Sara didn't react. She looked at the tires instead and saw little pieces of blue glass stuck in them, "Possible neon glass fragment," and pulled a piece out with her tweezers. Grissom walked over to see it, taking out his flash light and shining it at the little blue fragment. The two exchanged a loaded stare, and without speaking Grissom moved to check the inside of the limo.

_Oh, great. Here it comes. She's never going to understand why I nominated Nick and not her. _He thought as he crawled in the driver's side back door. They both began to spray luminol in search of blood evidence.

"You said you didn't have a problem with me," Sara said flatly.

"I don't." Grissom said back, while continuing to spray the seats, "I thought that Nick was the best candidate for the position." _He handles disappointment a whole lot better and knows when to go home._

"Why?" Sara asked.

"Because he didn't care whether he got the job or not," Grissom answered. _I had a feeling they were going to go with the new equipment. What I didn't know was that you'd find out about it._

Sara stopped spraying and looked at him, "That's a stupid reason." _Nick doesn't even get obvious jokes and you think he was the better candidate?_

They started spraying again, and suddenly there was a glowing blue splotch on the back seat. "We've got blood," Grissom said.


	11. Chapter 11

I decided to cut the chapters about the trip because they took the story in a direction I hadn't intended to go. I may add them back in later in another part of the story. So, this will be taking their place in the timeline.

CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI

Grissom walked up next to Sara. Without even looking, she knew it was him standing there.

"What?" she asked, still a bit steamed from the night before.

"How many vacation days do you have on the books?" He asked. _I'm worried about you. _

"About …" she started to think about it, then turned to him, "... ten weeks, I guess. Why?"

"I think you should take a week or two," He suggested. _Because I care about you._

"I-I'm still on the case. I just didn't do the interview for once in my life," she said. Grissom nodded and glanced inside the room. "When was the last time you took vacation?" she asked, "Never, right?"

"Okay," he consented. _For now._

Getting Sara to take some time off turned out to be easier than he'd expected. Later that night, after shift, Sara had gone out with Nick and Warrick. Apparently they had been bar hopping. Sara was pulled over and brought in, even though she wasn't charged with a DUI. They called Grissom.

"Come on, I'll take you home," he said gently taking her by the hand.

They walked out to his car in silence. Sara was embarrassed. _It's not like I go out drinking all the time, but the one time I do go out, this happens. _She thought as they got into Grissom's car.

"You know I'm going to have to put something in your record about this, right?" Grissom said, wishing that he was not her boss.

"Yeah," she answered, looking out the window, half distracted, "You want to know the whole story?"

"Sure," Grissom answered.

"I went out with Nick and Warrick to celebrate Nick's almost promotion. We had a few drinks, that's all. I guess I just didn't wait quite long enough before heading home. It was a simple mistake."

"I see," Grissom said, mostly believing her. "So, how about taking some time off from work?"

"Are you suspending me?" Sara asked, taken aback by such a harsh notion.

"No," Grissom answered, slowly. "I'm suggesting that you use some of that ten weeks of vacation time you have stored up."

"Why?" she asked, now somewhat defensive.

Grissom just smiled. He had expected that reaction and was prepared for it. "We all need to step back sometimes and take a break. I may not go on vacation much, but I do leave the lab for seminars and conventions. There is plenty to do to get away from the day in day out intensity of it all."

Sara disagreed, but was not in the mood to argue with him. "Are you talking as my boss right now, or my friend?" she asked.

"Both," he answered, "As your boss, I have to tell you that this will go on your record and you're going to have to talk to a P.E.A.P counselor. I can't get you out of that, it is the required disciplinary action for a first offense of this nature. As your friend, I am asking you to take time off."

Sara thought about it for a while as Grissom drove to her apartment. There wasn't anything she wanted to take time off to do. As the car pulled into her parking lot, she wished she could just say, "to hell with it all," and disappear. Grissom pulled the car into a parking space and Sara got out. She mumbled a quick thank you for driving me home, and closed the door.

Grissom watched her as she walked up the stairs to her apartment. He was about to drive away when he realized that she hadn't gone inside yet. She was standing outside her door looking through her pockets. _She doesn't have her keys. _Seeing that she was getting frustrated, he got out and walked up the stairs after her.

"I can't find my keys," she said, her voice betraying her frustration and something that Grissom couldn't quite place.

"Do you have a spare key or can you call maintenance?"

"I don't hide a spare, that would be stupid around here. If I call maintenance, it will take them all night to get out here, and they'll probably charge me for it."

"Where was the last place remember you had your keys?"

"I thought I had them back at the police station."

"Well, we have a few options. We can go back to the police station now and look there for them, you could come home with me and we can go back to the station in the morning and get both your keys and your car, or we could attempt to break in," Grissom said, half smiling at the thought of one of them trying to climb in through the window.

"I wouldn't recommend trying to break in," Sara said, "I've seen way too much on this job to make it that easy to get in."

"What did you do? Booby trap the place?" Grissom asked.

"Not exactly," Sara said with a tone that said, "Yes."

"Ok, so that's out," Grissom agreed, wondering just what Sara had done.

"We could go back to the station tonight, but that still leaves me needing a ride back again to get my car tomorrow."

"You're more than welcome to come home with me," Grissom offered, "I have a spare bedroom, so you wouldn't even have to sleep on the couch."

"I guess, if you don't mind."

"Not at all."

The ride to Grissom's townhouse was spent in an uneasy silence. Sara was still upset with him for recommending Nick for the promotion. She was angry with herself for the error in judgement that got her pulled over. She appreciated Grissom's concern for her, but at the same time, it made her uncomfortable. She wasn't used to having people looking out for her.

Sara was still quiet as Grissom led her inside to the spare room.

"I'll be back in a second," he said, leaving her to look around the room.

It was simply, yet tastefully decorated. The full size bed had a light blue comforter. The lamp was on a nightstand to the right and there was a small chest of drawers on the opposite wall from the bed. On the wall was a framed picture of various sketches of plants and insects. On closer inspection, Sara saw that Grissom's signature was hiding in the corner. Sara smiled, she didn't know he could draw.

After a couple of minutes, Grissom returned with a pair of sweats and a t-shirt for her to sleep in.

"Thanks," she said quietly, finally breaking the quiet.

Grissom shook his head a little, "It really is no problem." _I'd do anything for you, if you'd let me. _He left the room.

After closing the door, Sara changed into the clothes that Grissom had given her. They had the clean smell of having just been washed, but she could tell they belonged to him. Somehow she found that comforting. Pulling back the covers, she got in the bed and turned out the light. Closing her eyes, she fell asleep quickly. She felt safe there.


	12. Chapter 12

Grissom woke up suddenly. He wasn't sure if he had actually heard, or had only been dreaming about hearing, something crash in the other room. He listened for a few moments and heard another crash. It took him half a minute to remember that Sara was sleeping in the other room. Concerned, he went to see what was going on.

Grissom walked down the short hallway to the spare room. He knocked on the door and called out, "Sara? Are you ok?"

When he didn't receive an answer, he slowly opened the door. In the light from the hallway, he saw Sara on the floor tangled in the sheet with the lamp on the floor next to her. He walked carefully to her and knelt down beside her, picking up the lamp and putting it back on the nightstand.

"Sara, wake up," he said softly to her, not sure he should touch her after what had happened the last time he'd woken her up. "Sara, honey, you fell off the bed. You need to wake up."

When she still didn't respond, he carefully brushed her hair from her face. There was a good sized bruise forming on her forehead. Apparently, she had hit the nightstand when she fell off the bed. Grissom looked closely at the bump on her head. It didn't appear to be enough to knock her unconscious.

"Sara, come on, wake up," Grissom said again, shaking her gently. This time, Sara stirred and opened her eyes. A look of panic crossed her face before her eyes focused on Grissom's face.

"What's going on?" she asked, groggily. "My head hurts." She tried to get up, but was tangled in the sheet.

"You fell off the bed," Grissom said as he helped her get untangled, "After you attacked the lamp." Grissom smiled, trying to bring a little levity to the situation.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, "Is it broken?"

"Sara, I was joking. I'm not worried about the lamp. I'm worried about you," he said, "Let's get some ice on that bump."

He led her to the kitchen where he got a ziploc bag and put some ice and a little water in it. Wrapping it in a towel, he gave it to Sara to put on her head. Together, they went to the living room and sat on the couch.

"Another nightmare?" Grissom asked.

"Maybe," Sara said, uncertainly, "I don't remember." Sara pulled her legs up and wrapped one arm around her knees. She rested her other elbow on her knee and held the ice to her forehead.

Grissom wanted more than anything to just hold her. "Want to talk about it?" he asked.

"I can't talk about what I don't remember," Sara said, shaking her head. "There's nothing there. I remember dreams, nightmares about work, cases that haunt me. Those I remember, but the others… There are only fragments that I can't put words to."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Grissom asked.

"Yeah," she said, thinking for a moment, "Don't say anything about this. Keep it out of work. Don't put it on my record."

"I wouldn't dream of it. You're here tonight as a friend, not as a co-worker. This has nothing to do with the lab or any of that," Grissom assured her, "Nothing that happens between us outside of work has any bearing on the lab and vice versa."

"That's good to know," Sara said, looking over at him.

Grissom met her gaze. She could tell that he meant every word he had just said, but something was bothering her about that.

"Why did you really recommend Nick for the promotion?" she asked.

"I told you, because he really didn't want it," Grissom answered, wondering why she was asking again.

"Why would that matter?" she asked.

"Because I knew that they were most likely going to go with the new equipment, for one. And for two, I was afraid that if you got it, you would never go home. It's difficult enough to get you to leave as it is."

"So, you recommended Nick." Sara shook her head in disbelief.

"Yes, I recommended Nick. He was the best person to recommend," Grissom said, trying not to sound defensive, "Not because I don't think you would have done an excellent job, but rather because I was afraid that you would lose yourself in it. You'd do it too well, at the expense of yourself."

"Isn't that my call to make?" Sara asked, challenging him.

"On some level, yes. But on another level, I also have to be responsible for the members of the team. CSI can't afford for any of us to burn out. It doesn't do anyone any good for the team to burn out."

Sara had to concede that point. She shrugged in something resembling agreement.

"Sara, I meant what I said before. Work stays at work, and friendship stays outside, but I also have to avoid the appearance of playing favorites, so there might be times where you're just going to have to play along, and there will be times when my hands will be tied by my position as your supervisor. For instance, not being able to get you out of seeing the P.E.A.P counselor."

"I understand, I think," Sara said, losing her defensive tone.

"How's your head?" Grissom asked her, changing the subject.

"A little sore, but I've had worse."

"Let me take a look," he said, taking the ice pack from her. He gently moved her hair out of the way to inspect the bruise, his hand lingering by the side of her face. Their eyes met. Once again, they were drawn together. This time, there were no headlights, no phone calls, no interruptions. Their eyes closed and Grissom's lips brushed Sara's lightly, tentatively. It caught both of them by surprise. Neither one was prepared for how powerful the feelings behind it would be. The kiss was gentle, almost cautious, but carried with it an intensity that neither had expected from so light a touch.

Suddenly realizing what was happening, they broke apart. They sat for a moment, blinking at each other in breathless disbelief.

"I, uh… wow," Sara said, taking a few deep breaths, "That was… unexpected."

"Yeah, " Grissom agreed with hint of a smile trying to escape, "but I couldn't tell you how long I've wanted to do that." He gently brushed her hair back out of her face again, as if he was afraid she would just disappear or he would wake up. He stood up slowly, facing away from her, and set down the icepack that he had forgotten that he was holding. When he turned back around, he found himself face to face with her again. It was her turn.

Just as she had when she had wiped off the imaginary chalk dust, she reached up and caressed the side of his face. This time, he allowed himself to be drawn closer. His hands found their way to her waist, resting there lightly and pulling her slightly closer still. Their lips met once again, but rather than brushing lightly, they gave in. The kiss was too real, they felt themselves being caught up in something bigger than they were.

At that moment, they both realized that they had to stop. The timing was wrong somehow. They looked at each other, not wanting to back away, but not ready or even quite willing to keep moving forward. The intensity was frightening for both of them. They knew. They both knew. This was what they wanted, but it was more than they were ready for.

As if reading each other's thoughts, they slowly let go of each other. Still looking into each other's eyes, they stepped apart. They were quiet for a long moment. Grissom was the first to break the silence.

"I think we should call it a night," he said carefully.

"Yeah," Sara agreed, "I think so too."

Grissom walked back to his bedroom as Sara followed him back to the spare room. He turned to her before closing his door, "Good night."

Sara smiled at him, "Yeah, it is."


	13. Chapter 13

"So I had some time to think while I was away. Enough time to figure out why I made such a stupid mistake. I-I do not have a drinking problem. I have a, uh, me problem. My P.E.A.P. Counselor suggested that it would be a good idea for me to talk to my supervisor and that's you, Grissom, so ... I never told you about my family. I never told anyone about my family, why would I ... "

Sara's rehearsal in front of the mirror was interrupted by Greg introducing the new DNA tech. She tried to get a free minute to talk to Grissom, but was met with constant interruptions.

A few days later, pouring rain leads to the discovery of a body in the drainage system. After searching through the tunnels for hours, Catherine and Warrick found that the body was that of a dare-devil in pursuit of a good time, and a totally accidental death. While attempting to climb out of the drain, they were called over by some waste management workers who had found bones in the sewer system. This lead everyone on the hunt for the child's identity and who killed him.

Sara and Warrick took a chance removing a closet door that contained blood evidence. It was sheer luck that kept them from being blown up by the six pipe bombs that they had found in the closet. Later on, Sara was processing it back at the lab when Grissom walked in to check on one of his own experiments.

"So what were you trying to prove with this door?" he asked her.

"I was just collecting evidence," she answered, slightly on the defensive.

"Well, Greg couldn't pull any DNA from the bones, so there's nothing to connect the victim to this anyway." _You may have put your life, and Warrick's on the line for nothing._

"Not yet," Sara replied confidently, taking a swab of the door. _This blood will prove something though, even if it is not the victim's._ "I don't have a death wish, and I'm not a drunk, in case you were worried." _Stupid P.E.A.P counselor. Must have told him something._

"I'm not worried," he said, turning "I'm concerned." He walked over to his experiment. _I don't want to lose you._

Sara couldn't help but smile a bit, "Isn't that kind of the same thing?"

Grissom thought about it for a moment, but thought better of any reply he could make. Instead, he just went back to his experiment. He opened the cover and they both were put off by the smell. _Nothing like a dead pig in a sewer._

CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI

Sara was looking through Owen's room. She had bagged up all kinds of evidence linking the boy to a violent life. Then she found a box of unlabeled videos under the bed. She was about to pick up something else that caught her eye when she heard Grissom shouting from downstairs.

"Hey! The garage is packed with liquid explosives. They're gonna detonate in place. So grab what's important and get out now! That means you, too, Sara! Right now!"

Sara rushed to pick up the bags of evidence and the box of videos. She hurried down the stairs and out the door.

The blood evidence that she had collected from the door matched the DNA found in a baby tooth of a boy who had been missing for six weeks. Owen had stabbed him and Owen's mother had helped him clean up the mess. The video tapes that Sara had found in the bedroom were horrifying. Hours and hours of home videos of torturing animals and setting off explosives.

Sara was glued to the monitor. She couldn't make herself stop watching. Her shift had ended well over an hour before, but she just couldn't make herself leave. Grissom walked by the A/V room on his way back to his office from having been talking, and drinking with Brass. He looked in and saw Sara watching the videos.

"Sara?" he said, stepping into the room, "Sara, didn't your shift end over an hour ago?"

Sara looked back at him, "Yeah."

"Why are you still here?" he asked.

"Do you think that all kids from violent homes end up violent too?"

"Not all of them," Grissom answered, "Certainly some do, but to put it that broadly would be a mistake. A lot of kids have an inherent sense of right and wrong that defies their upbringing." _Where is this coming from?_

"You think so?" she asked.

"Sure, you would be amazed at how many people who were abused or neglected as children grow up to be doctors, social workers, police officers, or even members of clergy. They don't want other kids to go through what they went through, so they do everything they can to be the opposite."

"So there's hope then," she said with a rather odd tone.

"Always," Grissom responded, "Come on. You don't need to sit here torturing yourself with this. Want to go get something to eat?"

"Nah," she answered, "I think I need to just go home."

"You sure you're ok?" he asked, genuinely concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Come on, I'll walk you to your car," Grissom smiled at her.


	14. Chapter 14

A little more than a month had gone by since Sara had spent the night at Grissom's house and still, they had not had time to talk. They still felt that odd spark of something every time they saw each other, but there wasn't anything they could do about it. Work was insane. Finally, they got most of a night off at the same time. They were just finishing a quiet dinner at Sara's apartment.

"So, how are things going with the P.E.A.P counselor?" Grissom asked her.

"They went ok, I guess," she said, emphasizing the "went."

"I'm sorry I couldn't get you out of it, but I hope it was helpful," he said.

"Listen," Sara said, "I really don't want to talk about it. It's over. I just want to move on."

"Ok, so what do you want to talk about?" he asked.

"Well, it would be kind of nice to know what's going on with us," she said, smiling, "I mean, we haven't had five minutes to even think about what happened, much less talk about it."

Grissom did not respond.

"What?" Sara asked, looking at his strange expression.

"I don't know what to say," he answered honestly.

There were a few minutes of awkward silence. It was broken by Grissom's cell phone ringing.

"Never ends, does it?" He sighed, picking up the phone. "Grissom." It was Brass. A body had been found in a fountain. All the other CSIs were on other cases. "Ok, I'll call Sara, we'll be right in."

"So much for a chance to talk," she said, picking up her plate and heading for the sink.

"Sara," Grissom said, causing her to turn and look at him.

"This may sound kind of silly, childish even, but would you go out with me?"

"Really?" she asked, "What do you mean exactly?" She put her plate in the sink as Grissom walked up behind her with his.

"I mean, do you want to be more than just friends?" he asked, reaching past her and putting his plate in the sink.

"Yeah," she said, dragging the word out and walking away from the sink, playing as though she was uncertain of what exactly he was getting at. She wasn't going to make this easy for him. He started to follow her.

"I don't know how to say it any better than that. Most of my relationships have ended after one, maybe two dates. Women just don't get the whole bug thing, or the CSI thing, or the…"

He was interrupted when she turned suddenly and kissed him. It was a simple kiss, just enough to surprise and shut him up. "Should I take that as a 'yes'?" he asked.

"What do you think?" she asked him, smiling from ear to ear.

"I think, we have a crime scene to get to," he answered, also smiling, and wishing they could forget it and stay there.

They took Grissom's car out to the scene. The woman in the fountain had been at a swinger party. Everyone was suspect. The owners of the house where the party had been held were brought in for interrogation. Both claimed that swinging had made their marriage stronger and that there were rules to the whole thing. It seemed that the rules had been broken.

Grissom had just spoken to Mrs. Brady, one of the owners of the house. Something she said made him think about Sara. He got two cups of coffee and went to find her. She was sitting outside of one of the interview rooms. He walked up to her and sat down beside her, handing her one of the coffees.

"Thank you," she said, taking the cup from him, "I know I'm supposed to be objective ... but I think I have a problem with the lifestyle."

"Well, they're consenting adults, it's not illegal. At most, they only hurt themselves," Grissom said, only half-heartedly defending them, while inwardly breathing a sigh of relief. He wasn't interested in sharing.

"Tell that to Vanessa Keaton. Everyone has a jealousy gene."

"You think it was a crime of passion?" Grissom asked. _Remind me not to get on your jealous side._

"Yeah," Sara nodded, "When you have to go outside a marriage for passion, you're in trouble. And you're asking for trouble." _We may not be married, but if you think that I would ever want to swing, you thought wrong._

Grissom looked over at the Brady's, "Well, they say they're happily married."

"You think they're happy?" Sara asked in disbelief.

Once again, they were interrupted by Grissom's phone ringing. The news was that the water in the fountain did not match the water found in Mrs. Keaton's lungs. It matched the water in the Cunninghams' pool.

The case was solved. After finding pictures of Mrs. Keaton's step daughter in Mr. Cunningham's office they followed the evidence and found that Mrs. Keaton had been killed by her step daughter who had been sleeping with one of the other swingers who was having an affair with Mrs. Keaton. The girl was arrested for murdering her step-mother. The swinger was arrested for helping to cover it up and for statutory rape. It was over.

Together, Grissom and Sara left the interview room. They walked down the hall in silence for a moment.

"Arrive as a couple, leave as a couple," Sara quoted one of the swingers' rules. _You kinda have to take me home since we drove here together._

"No photos, no videos," Grissom added a quote. _I hate having my picture taken._

"No affairs," Sara said, firmly. _I've had enough of those._

"And the kids must never know," Grissom finished. _This most definitely can't get out in the lab. _Sara looked over at him. He looked back at her and the two could not help but laugh.

"Works for me," Sara said, still smiling at him.

"What do you mean?" Grissom asked.

"We don't need to advertise."

Since they had taken Grissom's car from Sara's apartment, they drove back again together.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Sara said, about to get out of the car.

"Hold on a second," Grissom said.

"What?"

"This," he said, and leaned over, giving her a quick kiss goodbye.


	15. Chapter 15

If things had been insane before, they just got worse. Ecklie had split up the team and dumped Sofia in their laps. Warrick and Nick had been assigned to Catherine who had been made the swing shift supervisor in spite of the fact that she had asked for the day shift. Several weeks had gone by with little chance for Sara and Grissom to catch anything more than a quick dinner together. This latest case had been especially difficult. A little boy had been found, starved to death and dumped in a plastic tote.

Sara was a bit annoyed. Sofia was hitting on Grissom. It bothered her, but for the moment, she was ok with him being distracted. She typed in the search parameters into the computer's database. She soon found what she was looking for. The People of San Francisco vs. Laura Sidle. Sara had been fighting with the memories all day. She read through half of the case before she couldn't take any more and half-slammed the laptop shut. Grissom chose just that moment to walk in.

"What did that laptop ever do to you?" he asked.

"Nothing," she answered, putting it down much more carefully than she had closed it.

"Tough case, huh?"

"Yeah," Sara said, trying very hard to keep herself together.

"Want to talk about it?" he asked.

"I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet," she answered, "Can we just go do something?"

"Like what?" Grissom asked.

"Anything that will help me take my mind off this case, this day."

"I've got just the thing," Grissom answered, taking her hand and pulling her out of the chair, "Come on."

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"You'll see," he said, smiling at her.

He let go of her hand as they left the room. She followed him outside to his car. He motioned for her to get in, and she did. The drive was not long, just out to the strip. Sara looked around, they were parked outside the Stratosphere.

"You like roller coasters?" Grissom asked.

"Uh…"

"What? You can't tell me you've never been on a roller coaster," he said, surprised, "A physics major that never rode a coaster?"

"I, uh, never had much of an opportunity for it," Sara answered, "The only time I've ever even been in an amusement park, it was a crime scene with a derailed roller coaster."

"Well, that was done on purpose," Grissom said, trying to convince her, "It doesn't happen that often."

Sara took a deep breath and gathered her courage. "Alright, I guess anything is better than the day I've had."

They rode the elevator up to the roof. Walking onto the ride, Sara noticed the gap between the deck and the track. She felt slightly dizzied by the nine hundred foot drop down to the Strip.

"This isn't a very fast ride," Grissom told her as they strapped into their seats, "The top speed is only about 30 miles per hour. It doesn't go upside down and there are no big hills. The best thing about this coaster is the view."

"That is if I can keep my eyes open," Sara said, feeling slightly squeamish.

"Just relax. This is the perfect ride for a beginner," he joked, "Seriously, Sara, open your eyes."

Sara opened her eyes and looked around as the train started moving. The lights in the city were amazing. The view was breathtaking. The coaster went down a modest hill and picked up a bit of speed. It circled around the tower a couple of times, and then went back up and did it again.

"So, what'd you think?" Grissom asked, taking her hand and helping her off of the ride.

"I must admit, that was pretty fun," Sara said, still shaking a bit. Heights were definitely not her thing.

"Are you hungry?" Grissom asked.

"Yeah, actually," she answered, "I think I'm glad we did that first though."

"Come on," he said, once again taking her hand. They took the elevator downstairs to Lucky's Café. They found a booth in the back and decided on the breakfast buffet. The food was good, and the coffee was better. They took their time eating and just chilling out. Pretty soon, Sara found herself yawning. Grissom was not far behind.

"Think we should call it a day?" he asked.

Sara looked out the window and saw the sun coming up, "Yeah, might be a good idea."

Again, Grissom insisted on paying the check. They walked back to his car, hand in hand. He drove to her apartment and pulled the car to a stop in a space. He decided to play the gentleman and opened the door for her. He walked with her to the door, and was prepared to say goodbye.

"Grissom," Sara said, quietly, "I don't…" she stopped.

"You don't what?" he asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"I… the case was tough… memories and stuff… I don't…" she stammered again, as she fumbled with her keys trying to open her door.

Grissom took the keys from her shaking hand and unlocked the door for her, leading her inside.

"I don't want you to think I want… but, I don't want you to go," she finally said, sitting down on the couch.

Grissom sat down next to her. "Sara," he said, gently making her look at him, "If you need me, I'm here. No strings attached, no expectations, no assumptions."

"Thank you," she said, melting into his arms. It took her less than five minutes to fall asleep. After a little while, Grissom found himself quite uncomfortable. He did the only thing he could think of, he picked Sara up and carried her to her bed. He was amazed at how light she was. Guessing by her height, he would have thought she weighed more. _Must be that vegetarian diet._

He sat on the side of her bed just watching her sleep. It wasn't long before he had fallen asleep right along with her.

**CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI**

**I realized something after I got this far. A quote I had been looking for back in season 3 turned up in the episode "Snakes" and kinda throws everything I've written so far out of whack. I may yet figure out how to reconcile it… but it may take me a while… and I have to work Tuesday and Wednesday… so, if you haven't read my updated chapters 11-13, obviously 14 and 15 haven't made any sense. I'd love it if you'd go back, read and review. Thanks to all who have done so this far.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Again, disclaimer… any dialogue you recognize is not mine. No infringement is intended, only trying to keep the story and timeline on track. Spoilers for "Nesting Dolls" and "Snakes". **

**CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI**

"Hi," Sara said, stepping into Grissom's office, "You got a minute?" _Ok, I guess I should tell him._

"Sure," Grissom answered.

"We really haven't had a chance to talk since the staff changes," Sara said. _At least not about what I need to tell you. _"I, uh… wanted to let you know that I said some things to Ecklie that might have done the team a disservice."

"Ecklie wanted to break up the team and he did," Grissom replied. _There's no way I'm going to let you feel like that was your fault._

"He asked me if you and I had had our post P.E.A.P. counseling session."

"And we didn't." _Instead, we decided to go out and ride roller coasters. _"Regardless, you should never have to cover for your boss. I'm sorry."

Sara looked at him with a hint of a smile, "You've always been a little more than a boss to me. Why do you think I moved to Vegas? Look, I know our relationship has been complicated. It's probably my fault. It's probably definitely my fault."

"You completed your counseling, right?" Grissom asked. _I'm not going to make you drag this out any more than necessary, but I am concerned._

"Yeah. Yes."

"And?" _Ok, you've got to give me more than a one word answer if this is going to count._

"Let's just say that ... I sometimes ... I look for validation in inappropriate places." _I'm not ready to talk about it. _

"Look… let's, uh…" Grissom started. _I wish you could talk to me._

"It's ok. Ok? You know what, we did our session. Don't forget to document this for Ecklie." She smiled at him.

"Right," Grissom said, relieved that he didn't have to try to make her talk.

"Thanks," Sara said, and walked out of the office.

A week went by without incident. Things were busy. Then things got interesting. Grissom sent Sara off to work for Catherine for the night. Two bodies had been found covered in tar. They had recovered one, but the skull of the second had collapsed. They needed a mold of the victim's face from the impression found in the tar. Sara had wrapped up her latest case, so she was assigned to making the mold.

She took her time, carefully crafting each detail. She could not help but wonder what kind of person this woman was. Where did she come from? Who killed her? Why?

It seemed to her like the cases she pulled these past couple of weeks were all about abuse and neglect. The starved kid in the tote. The kids in foster care. The girl used as nothing more than an organ donor. It was all taking it's toll on Sara. Except for the one time Grissom had stayed with her, she hadn't slept in days.

Sara finished the mold and took it to the conference room to show Catherine, Warrick, and Nick. They were impressed. Further examination of the body showed that the woman had had her jaw broken and had likely died from a blow to the head. Her fingers had been cut off, possibly post-mortem to conceal the woman's identity.

Sara had an idea. The woman's jaw had been wired because of an injury. Hospitals kept records of cases that were suspected abuse. _If I can get those records I can compare the pictures with the mold. This is going to be a long night._

The third emergency room finally yielded results. The woman's name was Svetlana Melton. Her husband was brought in for questioning. It was all down hill from there. Andrew Melton was so arrogant. Sara didn't even bother hiding her disgust or suspicion. She was genuinely concerned for Andrew's new wife's welfare. Catherine denied her request to have the police check up on her. That was the last straw.

"Sara, I was there -- there wasn't a mark on her."

"Not that we could see, Catherine."

They stopped walking. Ecklie chose that moment to step out of the lab and saw the two of them arguing.

"You know ... every time we get a case with a hint of domestic violence or abuse, you go off the deep end. What is your problem?" Catherine demanded, quite loudly.

"Yeah, I probably do, and you let your sexuality cloud your judgment about men, and I'm gonna go over your head."

"Sidle," Ecklie said from the doorway, "Get in my office. Now."

That little chat landed Sara a week's suspension without pay. Sara was sitting at home. She had her stereo cranked up and was on her third beer when someone knocked on her door. She clicked off the stereo with the remote and answered the door. It was Grissom.

"Well, if you're here, it can't be good."

"Can I come in?"

Sara lead him inside. "Want to ask if I'm drunk?"

"We both know that's not your problem."

It wasn't, but she'd had just enough today to make talking easier. It took a bit of coaxing, but finally Grissom got the whole story out of her. He had known there was a story, but not the details. He could have guessed that her family had a violent history, but wasn't expecting what Sara just told him.

"I do remember the looks. I became the girl whose father was stabbed to death. Do you think there's a murder gene?"

"I don't believe that genes are a predictor of violent behavior," he said carefully.

"You wouldn't know that in my house. The fights, the yelling, the trips to the hospital. I thought it was the way that everybody lived. When my mother killed my father, I found out that it wasn't."

Sara couldn't hold the tears back any longer. Grissom reached across the gap between them and took her hand.

"Sara, have you ever talked to anyone about this?" he asked.

"No," she answered, "How could I? I don't want people's pity. The two years I spent in the system, that's all I got. I mean, they tried making me go to counseling, but I would just sit there. When I got early acceptance to Harvard, I left it all behind me. I was determined not to be that girl, and it worked. Until now."

"Is there anything I can do?" Grissom asked, genuinely concerned.

"Yeah, you can forget I ever said anything."

"You know that isn't going to happen, but I can promise that it won't effect how I see you, or our relationship."

"What about my job?" Sara asked.

"That's up to you. Do you even want to keep doing this?" Grissom asked, giving her a way out if she wanted it.

"Absolutely. There's no way I'm walking away. Someone has to stand up for the victims of abuse."

"Yes, but you can't keep letting it be a personal vendetta, Sara. It will eventually destroy you," Grissom said, quite firmly, but not without compassion.

"I will try not to let my personal feelings get in the way again," Sara said flatly, as if this was only about this one case, "What are you going to do about Ecklie?"

"Don't worry about Ecklie," Grissom said with half a smirk, "I'll take care of him."

CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI

Two days later, Grissom walked into Ecklie's office. He was there with Catherine, going over some paperwork. "You wanted to talk to me about Sara?"

"I haven't received her disciplinary action. What's the holdup?"

"Well, I'm not firing her."

"What action are you taking?" Catherine asked, as if it was her business.

"I've taken it," Grissom answered. _And it isn't any of your business._

"I thought I was clear," Ecklie said.

"You were. Now let me be clear. Sara's behavior is a direct result of my management," Grissom said, willing to take the hit if necessary.

"So I should fire you." Ecklie said.

"But you won't," Grissom replied, calling Ecklie's bluff.

":Look, Gil ... I've been there. We're human. We get attached to people, we try to fix their problems. It doesn't work."

"She's a great criminalist, Conrad. And I need her."

"I'm sure you do. You know what?" Ecklie stood up. "She's a loose cannon with a gun. And she's all yours."


	17. Chapter 17

**Sorry it has been so long since I updated. Real life has a tendency to happen every now and then. Uh, this chapter is where things get a bit interesting… I'm not sure how to rate it, but I wouldn't want my kids to read it… (It would be rated at least PG 13 if it was a movie. R if the movie was a good one with generous camera angles… so it all depends on how good your imagination is.) Also, I have had a generous amount of rum... which is probably the only reason I wrote this. (And I've actually edited it since it would have ended up M or worse... good lord, I've got a wild imagination when I'm semi-drunk.)**

**CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI **

Life for the CSI's had been crazy as usual. The break up of their team had everyone feeling out of sorts. Sofia had decided to leave CSI and join the police department. Grissom had taken her out to dinner. Sara couldn't be sure why, maybe to celebrate. She knew that Sofia got on his nerves and being in PD she would be out of their hair.

She hadn't minded when Grissom had gone out to dinner with Catherine either. It was all part of the plan to keep the rest of the team from finding out that they were dating. Although to call it dating would be a bit of a stretch since they hadn't had a real date in nearly two months.

Tonight they had been called to a state mental hospital that housed the criminally insane. The victim had had his head smashed repeatedly into the floor. There were a limited number of suspects, but so far they had gotten nowhere. Everyone that had been interviewed had been either incomprehensible or just plain nuts. Thankfully, Sara got a strait answer from one of the employees. The semen found on the victim's bed could not have been his own.

They set about collecting DNA samples from everyone in the hospital. Some were easier than others. Sara had almost been bitten by one of the inmates. It was all feeling really creepy for her.

It got creepier. Sara was in the nurses' station looking at a photo of Adam Trent. Grissom had gone to find someone with keys to the locked drawers. She did not hear Adam creep in behind her and close the door.

"Hey," he said.

Sara turned toward him and put the picture down.

"Are you a spiritual person?" he asked.

"Sometimes," Sara answered.

Adam began talking nonsense about frequencies and karmic vibrations. Sara barely heard a word he said as she backed away from him. She thought she saw a chance and moved toward him with a syringe that she picked up from the counter behind her, but he knocked it away holding her close to himself and pulling out a hardened piece of clay. Sara struggled, and tried to elbow him in the chest, but his grip on her was too tight. He pressed the shard of clay to her throat, continuing to spout off nonsense about spiritual frequencies.

Sara barely answered, "yeah," to whatever it was he asked.

"You know what I think?" Adam asked, "I think I'm just vibrating at the wrong frequency."

Sara struggled against Adam's hold. "Don't," Adam said.

Grissom returned with an orderly just at that moment. The orderly tried the door and found it locked. Grissom looked through the window and saw Adam holding Sara hostage. "Oh, dear God," he prayed. At that point, it was a real prayer as much as it was an expression of surprise and fear.

"Open the door," he said with a hint of controlled panic in his voice.

"I can't," the orderly said, "I don't have the right key."

"Just open it," Grissom said again, catching Sara's eye as he looked in the window at her. Sara stopped struggling as she looked back at him. "Please open the door." He willed her to know that he loved her. He willed the door to open or something to happen that would get Sara out safely.

"Don't move a muscle," Adam demanded, realizing that Sara was looking through the window at Grissom, "I will grind you, you bitch. You hear me?"

Sara nodded and looked down at the floor. Alarms beeped and flashed, "Do not look at them!" Adam shouted, "Keep your eyes on the floor."

Nurse Joanne McKay ran up to the nurses station, half pushing Grissom out of the way. Adam turns and sees her, raising the shard of ceramic toward her and yelling, "You, you get away!"

Seeing her opportunity, Sara took advantage of Adam's lessened grip. She elbowed him in the chest, breaking his grip and running out the door. When Nurse McKay still wouldn't back off, Adam used the shard to cut his own throat. None of that mattered to Grissom though. He took off down the hall after Sara.

It was all he could do not to wrap her up in his arms. He wanted nothing more than to hold her close at that moment and let her know how much she meant to him, but they were on a case, it would have to wait.

It took them several more hours to wrap up the case, but when all was said and done, they had a solid case against Nurse McKay for both incest and murder.

Later on that morning, Sara was in her apartment. She couldn't sleep. She thought about calling Grissom, but no sooner did she pick up her phone than there was a knock on the door. Sara went to the door and looked out the peephole. It was Grissom. Sara opened the door and let him in.

"Hey," she said, "What brings you here?" Sara had not even realized that she had answered the door in her pajamas, which consisted of a long t-shirt and underwear.

He didn't say a word. He just took the two steps that closed the distance between them and caught her in a kiss that nearly knocked her down with its intensity. It caught her off guard, but not so much so that she didn't return it. They were standing pressed close to each other. Almost every time they had kissed before, there had always been some measure of space between them, but not now.

Sara felt her heart racing as she stood wrapped in Grissom's embrace. He held her close, almost protectively, but there was no mistaking the hint of desire. She felt it too. Maybe it was the left over adrenaline from earlier, maybe it was pent up from years of wanting more. At this point neither cared why, they just knew what they felt was real.

Grissom slowly brushed the stray hair from Sara's face, tucking it gently behind her ear and allowing the backs of his fingers to linger on her cheek. They stood that way for a moment, lost in each other's gaze, until Sara moved forward, kissing him again. The desire to be close to each other was overwhelming. Sara found her hands moving down Grissom's chest. She barely realized that she was undoing the buttons on his shirt.

He didn't stop her as she pushed his shirt aside, her fingers brushing against his chest. He vaguely thought that he was glad he wasn't wearing an undershirt. His own hands found the bottom edge of her t-shirt. It was then that he realized that was nearly all she was wearing. That caught him up a little short and he pulled his hands back.

"What are we doing?" he asked, quietly and rather cautiously. He did not want to take advantage of the situation.

"This," she answered, guiding his hands back to the bottom of her t-shirt and holding them there. She took a step back, toward the hallway. There was no mistaking the invitation. Grissom took a step closer, following her lead, his hands moving slightly upward with her shirt. She took another step back. Again, he followed her lead, taking a step and moving his hands up slightly further. They continued this semi-dance back to her bedroom. By the time they got there, both shirts were gone. Sara was standing with her back to her bed, wearing nothing but her underwear.

"You care to even the odds?" she asked, tugging gently and somewhat playfully at Grissom's belt. He was more than happy to comply. His pants dropped to the floor. It was only after he tried to step out of them that he noticed that he still had his shoes on. There were a few awkward moments as they were removed and quickly forgotten.

Sara was still standing with her back to the side of her bed. Grissom took the last step forward, kissing her again and feeling her bare skin on his chest. He slid his hands gently down her sides, slowly removing the last barrier between them as she did the same. There was nothing awkward about the moment, as they stood completely exposed. They moved in slow motion, finding their way onto Sara's bed. They lay next to each other, taking the time to gently explore and excite each other.

Then they ran into the inevitable mood killer. "We're both clean, right?" Grissom said, "but uh…I wasn't planning this and… well…"

It took Sara half a moment to catch on, but she quickly remembered that the travel kit she had contained a spermicidal. She kept it there because of her fear of hotel sheets. With that out of the way, they found the mood again.

Their lovemaking was slow at first, rather tentative as they felt each other out. But both knew that this was what they wanted and soon abandoned themselves to it. And, for the first time since he'd known her, Sara called Grissom by his first name.


End file.
